25 Things to Do Instead of Watching Canada’s Got Talent

While who gets the title of “worst show of the year” could be closely battled out between Are You There, Chelsea? and Whitney, it’s only fair to add to that list the overly-hyped and underwhelming turd known as Canada’s Got Talent.

As a rip-off to America’s Got Talent, itself a rip-off of the British show of the same name, Rogers Communications dug deep into their heavily cash-lined pockets and tapped the talents of Martin Short as a judge and spent (presumably) millions more on adverting, sets and promotion so Citytv could get into the homegrown reality show market – and along the way, further inflate Dina Pugliese’s ego. (It would have probably been cheaper to film the so-called “talent search” inside SkyDome seeing as 1) Rogers already owns it, and 2) it’s the only building in Toronto that is big enough to fit Dina’s ego.)

Let’s kick the ballistics; Canada’s Got Talent blows. Of course you wouldn’t know that from watching any programs (or newscasts) on Citytv as they have been promoting the show and talking about it as if it was the Second Coming. And don’t get me wrong… Canada does in fact have talent. It’s just that none of it, with the exception of Mr. Short, are involved with this show.

One of my editors actually wanted me to watch the first two episodes and review it. I refused. It wasn’t as if there weren’t already 1,000 reasons not to watch. (It sucks, it’s crap, I’ve seen more ‘talent” in homeless people who pee against the wall of a subway stations, etc) but I had better things to do. In case you’re even entertaining the idea of watching, here is a short list of things that are better, more productive and more interesting than watching Canada’s Got Talent.

1) Shave your underarms
2) Help your dog groom himself
3) Write that letter to Penthouse you’ve been meaning to write
4) Sleep
5) Drink any leftover fluids found under your sink
6) Read to your goldfish
7) Pick your teeth
8) Compare zit-popping stories with friends
9) See just how many licks it does in fact take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
10) Re-write Star Wars Episode I so that it doesn’t completely suck
11) Learn a new language
12) Date a serial killer
13) Find new and interesting ways to touch yourself
14) Count, organize and name the socks in your sock drawer
15) Re-enact the 1967 Stanley Cup finals (all six games) with your stuffed animals
16) Have a one-hour conversation with your friends, using only Simpsons quotes
17) Wash your car’s headlight using your tongue
18) Pee onto the electrified third rail of the subway tracks
19) Fill out expired and out-dated customer satisfaction surveys
20) See how many other Pink Floyd albums sync up to old movies
21) Read this
22) Go for a walk
23) Attempt to build your own time machine, realize it’s completely impossible, feel sorry for wasting so much of your time and then realize that you were still having a better time than you would have had if you had watched Canada’s Got Talent
24) Sharpen crayons with you teeth
25) Pray that Canada’s Got Talent goes the way of other American-inspired Canadian crap-fests like Canadian Idol and So You Think You Can Dance, Canada.

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26 comments

  1. Canada’s Got Talent? Yeah, Canada does have talent. But this show doesn’t showcase any of it. I feel sorry for Martin Short

  2. i realize the irony in your list. but you’re probably right when you say doing those things would be better than watching #CGT. horrible show. horrible host. horrible judges.

  3. What a fantastic list! Loved it. I’ve got a bit of an issue with the time machine activity thought. ;) If you’re still in the city around noon on Sunday, come watch the St. Patty’s day parade. I’m in it!

  4. Well like would anyone else hire Martin Short? He’s so fucking over……….Pleeeeeeeeeese!
    Maybe they’ll tell the truth and rename it Canada’s got no talent ….well it doesn’t on this show.
    Of all the bright and great talent in this country where the hell did they get these winners!Yawn!
    So so boring !

  5. Thank you for your honesty. This show is a joke. I am actually quite shocked at just how bad it is, and that it actually made it to the airwaves.

    1. The show is horrible. It’s nothing more than a knock-off, water-down version that Citytv viewers will lap up, simply because of its relation to the American version. I’d be shocked it lasts more than two seasons.

  6. The worst, was when Measha was sooooo snide to those poor little kids with their bunnies. I mean, really?? Isn’t being there nerve wracking enough for an adult, let alone a kid?? Did she have to be that mean? I did have a mild curiousity about the show, but OMG does it blow chunks. Never again.

    1. I’ve never watched the show (mainly because it sucks so much) but I would imagine that the judges are just acting tough, trying to be hard on people simply for entertainment purposes.

  7. I’m a Canadian living in Toronto, (originally from Lebanon and a little bit Americanized) I watched the first episode of CGT to see what talent we got, but I have to say I was so disappointed, and I so wasted my time! this show is boring compared to the American and the British version.

    Where do I begin?

    1. The host and judges are super lame and they’re trying so hard to be funny and cool.
    2. It is mostly about singing (guys, it ain’t “Canadian Idol”) & I’m sure we got more.
    3. 90% of the so called “talents” are going to the next round. SERIOUSLY?!
    4. Canadians are trying very hard. Get a life people!

    I could go on and on but I have other things to do online! :=)

  8. I put Canada’s got talent sucks in my browser and got your site. Man, does this ever ring true, what a waste of time, even the judges suck big time !!!

  9. Please cancel this show. Put it out of its misery. What a waste of prime time and resources? Who are these lame judges?
    O my goodness I just puked… (< talent eh..?)

  10. Measha Brueggergosman, a virtual unknown in Canadian “talent ” appears to be unrealistically narcissistic. The show is weak and she certainly adds no value.

  11. Is it still on TV; I watched the first few episodes and then when I saw who made it through to the semi-finals, I thought WTF, who would pay to watch this in Vegas or anywhere else for that matter.

    And the judges, no humour and who is this Meesha; the only time I saw her do anything was singing the national anthem at a NHL game and I was laughing along with the players, NO TALENT

    All I can say is after these judges and there choices is:Canda’s Got NO Talent”

    Thank-you for the list Zoey

  12. Man where to even begin …

    I did watch some episodes and it was painful. I kept thinking there’s gotta be a gem here somewhere and it just got even worse. Does anyone actually believe the hyped false sincerity of any of the judges or the host on this lame, lame show?? Even Martin Short’s mediocre presence has no redeeming value. It’s soul-less, talent-less, painfully politically correct, American wannabee cheerleading candy-porn. Actually that’s not true – porn has some soul. I’m Bob and I’m recovering from CGT – bring the Jack Daniels and a copy of The Hip’s ‘Up To Here’. I need to restore my faith that Canada actually does have some talent.

  13. Actually the best thing that came out of the show was your commentary, God I laughed so hard, I guess the scary part was it was all so true !~

  14. so glad to see/hear others who dislike Dina Pugliese as much as I do!!! She is so self involved, vain, insincere, – she also will also look at herself while on-air in the monitors at herself – comes up with the most ridiculous inane stuff to stay – so SO annoying and Frankish just makes her worse as he seems to be somewhat of a puppetmaster with her

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