Jennifer Aniston won’t go away. No matter how many prayers I say and deals I make, it would appear that the world as we know it is doomed to suffer through Jennifer Aniston movies from now until seven years after the sun burns out.
And who is to blame for this? Well, if you check your purse and there’s a ticket from Just Go With It in there, then you are.
You see, Jennifer Aniston has never had a hit movie. Really, I’m serious. Go look for yourself. Every movie she has been in has either been a bomb such as The Switch, Bounty Hunter, Love Happens or Friends with Money, or has been ravaged by critics. Even when a movie like Just Go With It opens at number one it quickly fades away. (and by the way, the only reason I didn’t fly into a fit of rage, paint my face with white make up and run down Yonge Street yelling why so serious?! as I extract my revenge on Toronto was because that movie beat Justin Beiber’s movie.)
In fact, the only film she was in that was a real blockbuster hit was Bruce Almighty – and that was because of Jim Carrey. And really, Carrey could have been acting opposite a Swiffer broom and people would have still gone to see it. (Some might argue that The Break-Up was also a hit, but it dropped out of the Top 10 pretty fast.)
But because for some unknown reason, there is a select group of people who pay to see these horrible movies she makes, she keeps getting work. I did some research and she has no less than two more movies coming out this year. Imagine that. (It’s kind of like knowing when a nuclear bomb is about to be dropped.)
One of the reasons I can’t stand Jennifer Aniston is she’s been playing the same role since 1995 and she will never be anything but Rachel Green on the big screen. I will confess that I did enjoy the first couple seasons of Friends, but now she’s become annoying. Couple that with the fact she makes more headlines in tabloids than anywhere else.
What she needs to do is break away from that love-struck, hopeless romantic typecast and do something bold and daring. Look at Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler. She acted the shit out of that role and it earned her an Oscar nod. Now maybe playing a burnt-out stripper from Jersey isn’t the path Aniston wants to go down, but something along those lines wouldn’t hurt.
Until then — or until Hollywood wises up — we are stuck with her in crappy movies because producers look at weekend box office numbers and say “well, her film beat the hermaphrodite’s movie, so she must be bankable!” And because of that, a boat-load of more crappy scripts are being pushed her way.