Month: March 2005

Last day of March

For some reason I thought there were only 30 days in March. Then again, without the help of a nearby calender, who can ever really remember those things? Ever since my “Tough Dames: Great Quotes by Great Women” page-a-day desktop calendar ran out last year, I’ve been playing the guessing game as far as what day comes next. So far I’ve noticed that most times, 5 does in fact come after 4 and before 6, so Sesame Street taught me well.

Today is another long day and I know I have to get my ass to Costco sometime before the sun sets. I’m low on a few things and I really should stock up. That’s the problem with those warehouse stores. You start making a list, you don’t want to go for just one or two things. So you wait until the list is almost a page long, forgetting that you’re about to go shopping at a store which has the floorspace of three football fields. Not to mention a store that stocks cereal in boxes so large that I could be the prize inside. And remember, I’m five foot, ten inches tall.

Anyway, I’m going to a big-ass store with a big-ass list and praying I can shove everything I buy into my car. Wish me luck.

New pants

For fear of going another two days without posting an entry, I felt the need to update and say something – but I couldn’t think of anything really to talk about. So, why not show you this…

My new leather pants! Do you have any idea how hard it is to take a picture of your ass using a camera that you’re not familiar with? Trust me, when the time comes for you to do the same, you’ll be thinking of me.

There’s no real need for an update about my new pants, other than the fact that I got them on sale and they can now join the on-going collection of other pants in the closet I have that are like them. Of course these ones have no pockets, which rock when it comes to shape and style. So I guess they are a bit different.

Other than that, it’s status quo around here. I have been feeling a bit dizzy these past couple days every time I lie down or when I wake up, but friends have told me not to worry and that it’s probably just a head-cold. I love how the word “probably” is supposed to make me feel better.

Super Size this!

This is the kind of email I get every so often. A reader wrote to me asking if there was any truth the rumor that once, in the world of McDonald’s, the character of purple Grimace had four arms.

I don’t know why bother to find these things, but just because I had some time on my hands, I decided to look into this. And yes, as you can see from the rather scary picture below, Grimace did in fact once have four arms. He was also known as “the Evil Grimace”. Nothing like being branded for life and mapping out your future with a name like that. But I guess he wasn’t evil enough because over the years he lost his extra two arms and became good. Now of course, Hamburgler is the bad guy.

You can tell from this masterpiece of art, the “evil Grimace” has stolen all the shakes and Cokes from McDonald’s and is holding them in his four arms. Please also note that he is poorly named as he doesn’t seem to be “grimacing” at all, but rather smiling like a guy who just got a handjob from Paris Hilton.

Further more Mayor McCheese and Ronald McDonald (who I always believed to be in a power struggle over who really controls McDonald’s) don’t seem too upset by this. Actually, the Mayor might be pissed, but Ronald’s got that ever-present smile on his mug. Then again, would you really be upset about some missing shakes if you had a friend who’s head was a cheeseburger that was the size of a breakfast table? Me neither.

As luck (or bad luck) would have it, I also came across what I can best make out to be a promotional video of The Evil Grimace stealing Cokes and shakes from the kids at McDonalds. Now, I must warn you. Much like the “Son of the Mask” this idea only sounds good on paper. Keep in mind this clip is from 1974. You’ve been warned.

Still breathing

I guess I should write something so everyone knows I’m still around. I’ve gotten quite a few emails over the past two days since I haven’t updated this page in a while. So no worries, I’m still alive.

Everything has just been really slow right now, yet busy at the same time. While shopping for cool Easter treats, I found this awesome bra at Wal-Mart for less that $7. Now I know what you’re thinking… “Less than $7… awesome bra… and Wal-Mart” should never be in the same sentence, but this really is a great one. Almost as good as the ones from Sears.

I also know that most of you probably don’t care, but when you’re a woman, things like this are important. Finding the right item of clothing that fits and feels good isn’t as easy as just walking into a store and grabbing the first thing you find. Although most men wish it was that simple. Truth be told, so do we.

But shopping trips do take longer than we’d like them too. Of course, I probably don’t have to spend hours in the store drooling over the new stainless steel cookware set I want or watching “The Incredibles” on the wall of TV screens in the electronics section.

Spring time

Happy Monday! Don’t you hate it when you come to work on Monday and there’s always that one chipper asshole who adds a reminder to the fact that the weekend is over by asking you how yours went? I felt like being that person today. But there’s reason to be happy: Today’s the first day of spring! Now at least we all have a right to bitch when it snows from now on. My bet is we’ll see at least two more really heavy snowfalls before the white crap is finally gone. That should be sometime around May.

The Canadian Genie Awards are tonight. (You’ll recall those are the film awards for Canadian movies.) The city doesn’t respond the same way that Hollywood does for the Oscars, but then again, Canadians always seem to do things less flashy than the States do. I managed to score an invite for tonight’s show, but I don’t know if I really want to go. I hardly saw any of the nominated films and frankly I get the feeling it would be like showing up to somebody’s funeral. I didn’t really know the person, but I’m still snacking on the food at the wake afterwards.

I’m also toying with the idea of taking a couple of days off and going to Montreal for a week. But I haven’t confirmed any travel plans yet and I’m still waiting on my New Beetle. There are a few complicated issues that need to be worked out, such as me getting off my ass and paying the VW Sales Dude.

Could have used more green

Another St. Patty’s Day has come and gone. Time to put away the green bra and camisole until next year. All in all, it was a pretty good day. Not as much beer-fueled mayhem as I’d imagined, but I did manage to put away a few pints of green beer. And yes, I know that Irish people don’t really drink that stuff in Ireland, but as Homer Simpson once said “It’s a party, Marge. It doesn’t have to make sense!”

The one St. Patty’s letdown came in the form of a media personality who didn’t quite jump on the bandwagon. Naturally most everyone at CityTV was wearing something green and from what I could tell, other media outlets did their share too. But the number one national network here in Canada CTV (a place I’ve had the pleasure of touring behind the scenes once, I might add) fell short in my books. And I’ll tell you why.

Their morning program, “Canada AM” is much like any other national show you’ve seen. The host, in case you’ve never seen it, is Seamus O’Regan. Now come on people! Seamus O’Regan?! With a name like that you’d be expecting him to be dancing an Irish jig while doing the day’s top headlines on St Patty’s Day. While I don’t know how hard hitting stories such as the Air India bombing and Robert Blake verdict would have sounded had he decided to toss in an Irish accent as well, I can tell you this much; it would have been damn funny.

But no. Mr. O’Regan went with a simple green tie and not even so much as a “top o’ the mornin’ to ya” (at least not when I was watching) I understand there has to be some professionalism left in the world of TV reporters, but you can’t get much more Irish than Seamus (pronounced Shay-mus) so maybe next year, providing there are no national tragedies, we could see those Irish eyes a’ smilin’ a little more?

Top of the afternoon to ya

The Taste of the Green Tour hasn’t gone as well as I thought it would. What I imagined to be a day of pub-crawling, mirth and merriment has turned into a lazy Thursday afternoon. I’ll still make my rounds later tonight, probably for dinner at one of the Firkin Pubs in the city, but then it’s back to the grind. Although, the field I’m in isn’t exactly a “grind”, but more of a on-going comedy of errors.

I also wanted to see if it was possible use the somewhat Irish saying, taken straight from of my favorite movies, Super Troopers. “I’ll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.”

Naturally it sounds best if said by the movie’s star Brian Cox and done with an Irish accent. (Feel free to practice at home on your own.) In a city like Toronto the chances to work that saying into a normal conversation are few and far between, but I’ll keep trying before the day is out.

I wish I could think of something else to say right now, but that’s the kind of day it’s been. I will add this; it’s nice to see so many people wearing green.

Don’t be a spoil-sport. If you haven’t put on something green and had a drink yet, then do so!