I can tell it’s shaping up to be one of those days already. The kind of day where you just want to lie at home and cry for no real reason other than you feel sad. Which, you have to admit, is a pretty darn good reason when you think about it. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve been previewing the new Tori Amos album which hits stores on Feb 22. After all, her music is always so up-lifting and happy.
I know what some of you are saying… “Oh but you’re supposed to be all happy and media-friendly and sharing your own happy thoughts with the rest of the world, Zoey.”
Well, let me tell you… shit ain’t like that.
This is my journal after all and it’s not always wine and roses around here. Sad feelings just come on for no reason sometimes and there’s nothing I can do about it. Sometimes it’s my cycle, other times it’s the fact that I miss New Jersey and then there are times like this where I feel not even a good cry is gonna make things alright. Maybe after I get some sleep or finally it warms up a bit around here or I do something that will take my mind off things, I’ll feel better, but right now I just feel down.
I hate to piss all over your day by telling you this, but like I said before, this is my journal and that’s how things go. Personally, I think it could be the time of year that’s getting to me. I always called these months The Dark Months because the weather sucks and nothing really happens.
You just stare out your window at night and watch the creepy calmness of the city that is so cold and so unforgiving. The way the white lights of the streetlights add that extra chill to a city that is already known for not being the friendliest place on earth. The way the downtown can seem so empty, yet at the same time you feel a million pairs of eyes watching you from behind warm windows.
Yeah, that got a little too deep for me. Nothing like really hitting the nail on the head when it comes to pin-pointing the reason I feel like crap. I think I just need a change. Everything is so routine and fits just the way it should. I get up, I shower, I go to work, I come home, I see a friend or do some writing. Sure, not everyone’s life can be shits and giggles all the time either, but I just feel I need to do something different – again.
Don’t worry, nothing huge or earth-shattering. I still have my career and column to think about and I love the fact that you all come back to this site everyday to see what I’m going to say – even on days like this when everything is down. So for that reason I’ll still be here tomorrow. And if for some reason I’m not, don’t worry. Don’t send out the search party or anything. I probably just found something to do for the day.