Month: September 2004

She loves it, yeah, yeah, yeah

Believe it or not, I’ve been thinking about getting the New Beetle all day. I love it. It’s such a cute car. Of course I wouldn’t do something stupid like run out and buy one tonight. You only make that mistake a few times in your life. But I’ve been wondering just how funky-cool-whack-crazy I’ll look driving down the streets of Toronto showing off my silver Beetle – that comes fully loaded for $24,000 including a 6 CD player in the trunk and moon-roof for added sunburns while stuck in traffic.

I’m only one person and I don’t plan on having kids anytime soon, so a four-year lease on this baby wouldn’t be a bad idea. Plus the sheer comic value of a tall red-head girl driving what many people believe is a small “clown” car is priceless. Now if I can only find a way to get 14 other Zoeys to jump out of the Beetle one by one while traditional circus music plays in the background.

Holy crap. I just noticed. I’ve become one of those people who constantly blabs about either 1) her kids 2) her pet 3) her boyfriend 4) her car. Arrrrrgggh. I am becoming that which I hate. Oh well. The Beetle is nice. I may go see it again tomorrow after work. I’ll make sure to park the Mustang around the corner from the dealership. I don’t want Sales Dude to think I’m offering any trade-ins. As far as I’m concerned, I’ll treat the Mustang the way men treat their favorite pair of underwear. I’ll use it until there’s nothing left but tires and a steering wheel before I get rid of it.

What? You don’t get that comparison?

Oh man, I can’t believe I have to explain that one.

Okay. There’s this saying that men won’t buy new underwear for themselves unless someone either buys it for them or the old pair finally falls apart for whatever reason.

I know. I just compared my beloved car to men’s underwear. I suck.

I’m hungry.

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Vrooooooom

Driving in this city sucks. Yesterday it was two trucks slamming into each other on the 401 Expressway that caused a massive back-up that lasted all day. Today it’s a half-dozen other things. I’m really glad that most times I get to work from home. Of course there are those days when I actually do have to go into the office, but most times I’m home before noon and the drive really isn’t that long. Still, I hate seeing a sea of red-lights in front of me when I drive down Leslie Street.

I went with a friend yesterday while she got his oil changed on her car. For no other reason other than ‘I felt like it’ I jumped into a New Beetle to see what I would look like driving around in one. I forgot how much room there is inside. I was shocked. Naturally the sales dude, seeing a woman in a car, came rushing over at speeds that would make Superman jealous and gave me his best “I-want-to-get-you-into-this-car-and-onto-the-road” speech.

When he saw I wasn’t biting, he then offered to knock the price down by $4,000. Now that is reason enough to think about buying a Beetle. That and the fact that I’m 5’10” and I felt comfortable in a car like that. I have been thinking about finally getting a new ride, just Ican’t bare to part with my Mustang. I’ll have to think about it.

Play ball, no more

I just watched the last Expos baseball game that will ever be played in Montreal. They lost 9-1 to Florida. But the strange thing is, it didn’t seem to matter. The fans didn’t care. They were just glad to be there. Kinda sad seeing how a little more money and fan support could have saved them. Now they’re off to Washington D.C. where new owners and big companies will dump tons of cash into their pockets and make things work this time. Kinda crappy for the people of Montreal. I myself had a lot of good times watching baseball games there when I lived in Quebec. Too bad it had to end like this. That’s all I got for now.

Mille merci de tous mon coeur pour tous , les Boys.

March of the Pigs

I finally saw the raw video of Sir Elton John verbally bitch-slapping the media last week while he was in Taiwan. What a hoot. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should. It’s good for a laugh. Mainly because if it was anybody else, it would be shocking. With Sir Elton it just comes off looking like a hissy-fit because he couldn’t find the right sunglasses to match his shoes. Which by the way is a total piss-off.

He goes on and on calling the media “pigs” and then asking if they know what it means. I think that’s what I’ll do every time someone or something gets me upset. I’ll walk around shouting “Vile pigs!” Even if there’s nobody around. I may just walk down the street and yell that for fun. Probably because it’s not something you hear everyday and in my opinion, it’s a very under-used insult.

That by the way, is what passed for work today. I made a quick trip into the office, finished a column that’s due for tomorrow and made it home before 11. Not bad for a day’s work. Of course I still have a million other things on my to-do list, but for now I feel I did some good here today. Ha!

Do you smell what I’m cookin’ ?

Deep breath… here comes a long update. You may wanna get some coffee and come back…

Have you ever walked into someone’s home, taken a look around and suddenly noticed that something was different? Are you getting that feeling right now? Welcome to the new look for my updates page. Or as the cool kids call it, “my Blog”.

Yeah. That’s right. I said “Blog”. That makes me feel cool. Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog.

I figured things would be easier this way. Instead of all the cutting and pasting and swearing and throwing things and hurting people, this blog is faster and takes up less space. And when you’re done, just click the menu link or keep clicking back. It’s just like the old page. Except this one looks cool. Now I can update whenever I feel like it without having to log into and load pages.

Of course there could come a time when everything back fires like a 57 Chevy and I’m forced to go back to the old look, but that’s nothing you need to worry about. All you have to do is keep coming back. And buy t-shirts. Lots of them. Help put my kids through college. I know. I don’t have kids. But if I did, wouldn’t you want them to get a good education?

Let’s see… back in the real world… I had a fun yesterday hanging out at my friend’s restaurant and boning up on my cooking skills. Why, you might ask? Because I felt like it. I’ve always though – despite what some people might think – that I haven’t yet learned everything. So why not take advantage of the fact that my friend’s mother is willing to teach me a thing or two in the kitchen of a real working restaurant.

Granted, unless I open a restaurant of my own in the future, (which I have thought about) knowing all the secrets won’t help, but it’s always great to pick up a tip or two when it comes to serving pasta and calamari. At least when friends come over for dinner I can get my timing down right and have meals served up hot and fresh. Doesn’t that sound nice?

Aren’t I just Martha freakin’ Stewart? Next watch me make a toaster-cozy out of old newspapers and bubble gum.

Five paragraphs later and I’m still getting used to the idea of using a blog as a journal. I know some people who swear by this thing and post five or six times a day. Five or six times? Really! How much is there to tell about someone’s life? I woke up. I ate bran flakes. I crapped myself for an hour. (No, not really)

Seriously. Get a life. Then again, I’m sure there have been days when I had nothing better to do than talk about how many times I washed my hands or thought about changing my socks. And now with an easier way to get those thoughts on line, I just may finally get around to sharing my deepest and darkest ideas. Or I may get bored and do some work.

Nah. Doubt that.